Rant: How Social Media Is Like Bad Sex

Remember when that blue Honda driving dude you adored dumped you unceremoniously on your birthday, then hooked up with your best friend (or worse, your MOM!)? Remember after when suddenly every single car on every single street was a blue Honda? The social media space is a bit like that at times. Especially blogging. Every so often, trends pop up in the blog world. No matter where you surf or stumble, every Twitter link you click on contains the same ‘style’ of post. And there’s one particular style these days that’s seriously getting on my last nerve.

How Social Media Is Like ‘X’

Lately, the ‘style du jour’ for blogging seems to be “How Social Media is like X”. You know what I’m talking about. How Social Media is like a trip to the zoo, a cupcake, a sunrise. That old adage about ‘everything in moderation’? Well, there are a few companies out there who should write that old adage down and tape it to their collective foreheads. I’m not suggesting your corporate blog can’t have a bit of fun. There’s a place for posts like these. In fact, they can – and should – be used as placeholders, so to speak. Breathing room. A break from the deluge of information and real data that flows outta that god forsaken firehouse every minute of every day. Some of them are quite cute – wink wink nudge nudge. But often, when I see them appear again and again on a corporate blog, the first thing that pops into my head is “lazy”. Lazy writing. Lazy editorial. Lazy idea generation.

Who’s A Self Righteous Jerk?  

I’m not going to name and shame, because that’s A) not my style and B) not the point of this post. Also, I did consider if by writing this I would be called out for being a Social Media Self-Righteous Jerk but, what the heck, I’m sure that the 10 people who follow my blog aren’t going to mind, and the people who know me, know I’m not self-righteous. Though I can be a jerk at times. 😉

On that note: this morning I spent all of 15 minutes (that should tell you something) coming up with my own, tongue in cheek versions of “How Social Media is like X”

How Social Media Is Like…: 

Chewing Gum:

  1. It comes in a shiny wrapper.
  2. It tastes good at first, then loses its flavour.
  3. Dentures aside, it’s best when it’s sticky.

Your Grandma’s Smelly Afghan:

  1. You’re the only person in your family who’ll go near it.
  2. It’s easy to poke holes through.
  3. It helps you feel less alone in the cold dark night.

Bad Sex:

  1. You call *that* a firehose?
  2. Eventually, the lights will turn on.
  3. There really isn’t a return on investment!

A Car Crash:

  1. You try hard not to, but always end up looking.
  2. People can get hurt.
  3. But if it bleeds, it leads!

Content Rules! 

Ok, the Bad Sex one is pretty good. :) But content is more than just words on paper. Content – especially corporate content – should provide a real return for the people who are using up their valuable time to consume it. Your clients. Your stakeholders. Your followers. I get that people seem to like list’y posts. I like a list as much as the next person. But *too many* lists containing no real content, over and over again, make me glaze over. Do some research. Find an interesting stat. Include a link to a related science article – do something!

One trick I’ve noticed used in these lists is including an SM related meme or phrase in your title – hey, hey, lots of retweets that way, right!? Sharing might equal caring – but high numbers of tweets and shares does not always equal success. If numbers are all you’re looking for, please, just post some cute cat videos. To the moon, Alice!

How Social Media is like…YOU, leaving a comment!! Share your own, below!  :)



16 thoughts on “Rant: How Social Media Is Like Bad Sex

  1. The ‘top [number] social media lessons I learned from my [pet rock/llama/sock monkey named George/this ball of dryer lint] posts’ are enough for me to jab splinters in the quicks of my nails. Gah.

  2. HAHAHAHA! Oh yeah, those too! The worst!! Loved the dryer lint inspiration, thanks! :)

    How Social Media Is Like Dryer Lint:
    1. It can get up your nose
    2. If you’re not careful, it can start a fire!
    3. You get rid of it. But it keeps coming back.

  3. My grandma’s smell Afghan apologizes. He spent years being abused by the Taliban and received many scars. Consequently he has become quite shy and is reluctant to be naked which is why he rarely showers.

    See what happens when I am overtired and lacking coffee, the imagination goes into hyper drive.

  4. Social Media is like a good friend.

    1. It’s full of the stuff that you’re already thinking.
    2. It comes in many shapes and sizes.
    3. It amuses you to no end.

    Seriously, I love this post. It makes my “Giant Bitch” button stick in the “On” position. 😀

  5. Awwww, see you’re so nice, and *I’m* the bitch! hahaha I just can’t help it – I hold this stuff in for so long and then Whammo! Out comes a rant. 😉 I really loved your example Tab. xo

  6. Will you be my Valentine?
    So we can make Social Media shine?
    No more horizontal postures
    Or we’re gonna need to put you out to pasture.
    I know you’re not a cow, Love
    In fact, I’m thinking you’re more like a Dove.
    So fly little Bell Bird
    And get cranking on making more Word.

  7. Social Media is like desert locusts.

    1. can migrate, covering vast distances
    2. usually causes a small measure of panic
    3. if you’re starved eating one or two hoppers isn’t at all problematic

  8. Pingback: Social media, bad sex, doodles and beer!

  9. I love this post! (and I love you too). Thanks for sharing it on Twitter today – you made me laugh :)

    I love how whenever something big comes up in the news, people relate it all back to social media. I’m guilty too. I was going to write a post called 50 shades of Twitter. :)

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